Starting Fresh

My biggest fear and my childhood dream are the same thing.
I've always pictured myself a mother, nothing more.
My whole life people have lead me to believe I am something special, or I will do something great.
Strangers see something ...different, that they can't make out ...
friends say my name will be in lights.
My parents see me as a business owner with a huge family, and to be perfectly honest that's more where I would lean.

I despise authority .. but I crave structure...
I see myself either as a grand being, or the dirt beneath someones feet.
 I lack balance.

I STRIVE FOR BALENCE.

I think deeply, I act irresponsibly.
I care for others more than myself, but I hurt those I care about.
I'm often in pain.  My life has been pain, but I look back on it with happiness.

My parents are my existence.
without them, I would fade away... or, that is what I believe.
I want to be strong for them. I want to live and love and GROW.
I want to make them proud..


but I am too much of a sheep, not a follower, no, but a black sheep.